The Christmas That Should Have Been
by Belleste
Summary: Covered in snow, the street looked like a handmade postcard that some aspiring artist would try to sell in Central Park. Rachel turned to look at Finn, but he wasn't looking at her. His gaze was somewhere above the skyscrapers, wandering the grey sky, and his eyes looked as distant as the clouds darkening New York's white scenery. Christmas One-Shot


**The Christmas That Should Have Been**

Covered in snow, the street looked like a handmade postcard that some aspiring artist would try to sell in Central Park. The December sun had yet to rise and the sky was cloudy, but Manhattan shone bright with red and yellow lights, dangling from balconies and decorating doors and lampposts. It was an unusually hot winter, but the City of a Thousand Lights never disappointed when it came to delivering the best possible Christmas scenario.

Rachel was silently watching the pedestrians walk and chatter on the sidewalks, their faces barely recognizable under layers of wool and colorful hats. It was even easier to distinguish tourists from New Yorkers during winter season; the formers walking carefully so as not to slip and fall in the snow, while the latters were so used to it that they didn't even pay attention to their steps while they rushed to their busy lives. Rachel liked to think that she was one of them now, and that no one could see that moon-eyed kid from Ohio anymore when they looked at her.

"It's kind of magical, isn't it?"

Rachel turned to look at Finn, but he wasn't looking at her. His gaze was somewhere above the skyscrapers, wandering the grey sky, and his eyes looked as distant as the clouds darkening New York's white scenery. He appeared thoughtful, as if his mind was too far away to notice what was going on around him, although he had been the first one to speak.

"It is," she said, and the balcony was so quiet that even her voice—barely above a whisper—seemed too loud.

"The cold, the snow… I think winter here is different than in Ohio. I don't know how to explain it, but it feels different."

"Yes, I know what you mean," she always did, even when he wasn't saying anything.

"Are you happy here, Rachel? Is it everything you thought it would be?"

Rachel didn't say anything but she nodded her head slowly. She didn't need to voice her thoughts, she figured the way she was staring at the shiny city before them was enough of an answer.

"As confident as you have always been, there was one time you didn't think you'd make it. Do you remember? After your first audition with Carmen Tibideaux, when you forgot the words to _Don't Rain On My Parade_ ," his laugh was melodious and it painted white the air slipping out of his lips. "Now that sounds crazy, huh? Fanny Brice herself, forgetting the lyrics to _Don't Rain On My Parade_."

Their laughter slowly died down and a comfortable silence fell between them. Rachel absently wondered if the secret to a good relationship was knowing how to enjoy those moments when there were no words to be said.

"I always knew you would end up here, though," he continued. "This is where you belong. It was so clear to me."

"Rachel, we've discussed this a hundred times," Jesse's voice startled her, enough to shock her out of her trance. Finn's crooked smile vanished along with the snowflakes dancing in the wind, and Rachel found herself staring at an empty chair instead. "I know you like to run lines alone sometimes, but practicing with another actor makes it easier to stay in character and you know I'm always very happy to help. Plus, it's freezing. Just come inside."

The city around her felt much colder all of a sudden, and she had to force the words out of her mouth, "I was just thinking. I'll be with you in a minute, okay?"

Her eyes were wet when Jesse left her alone in the balcony again, but only because of the sharp wind hitting her face. It had been years since the last time she cried for Finn, and sometimes she wondered if she had cried all her tears that year. When she was fired from _Funny Girl_ and crawled back to Ohio, she used to think that her eyes would remain as dry as her soul forever; but that was a long time ago.

Rachel didn't feel sorry for herself now, not anymore. She was proud of her life and her accomplishments, and how she, against all odds, had succeeded in turning her lifelong dreams into reality. Yet, she would always feel like there was something lacking in the woman she grew up to be. She loved Jesse, she truly did, but he had never been part of the perfect future she used to daydream of when she was a naïve teenager singing love songs in high school. Years would go by and memories would fade away, that she knew; but Rachel would never forget the one missing. The one who should be there now, by her side, watching the snow fall on the streets of New York City. Christmas was his favorite holiday, after all.


End file.
